Greenland just set the record for coldest July temperature ever reported in the Northern Hemisphere at -33C.
summit:status:weather Climate experts immediately responded to the record cold by saying Greenland is melting faster than expected at -33C. greenland-ice-sheet-surface-mass-budget/ In fact, Greenland has gained a near record amount of ice this year, and the ice is melting very slowly. It is a criminal venture intended to extort money from the public.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████ Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████ Current Status: Incinerated.
Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████ Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████ Current Status: In animal containment.
Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████ Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████ Current Status: Incinerated.
Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing.Date of Recovery: ██-██-████ Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia Current Status: In storage.Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!" Date of Recovery: 09-03-████ Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA Current Status: In storage at Site 19's vintage weapons depository.Date of Recovery: ██-██-████ Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██ Current Status: Shattered in bizarre acapella accident. Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998 Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois Current Status: In storage.